This post was originally published on this sitehttps://cdn.cnn.com/cnnnext/dam/assets/200629093640-katy-perry-0522-super-169.jpg
Appearing on Canadian radio show “Q on CBC,” the pop superstar revealed she went through a breakdown and considered taking her own life following her 2017 split from Orlando Bloom and poor album sales.
Perry — born Katheryn Hudson– said she was left “wallowing” in her “own sadness” after hitting rock bottom in her personal and professional life.
“I lost my smile,” the California native told host Tom Power. “I don’t know if my smile was ever fully, like, authentically mine but I was riding on the high of a smile for a long time. Which was the validation, love, and admiration from the outside world, and then that shifted.”
The “American Idol” judge, who has since reconciled with Bloom and is expecting her first child with him, said seeing her career shift to a downward trajectory had a “seismic” impact and “literally broke me in half.”
“I had broken up with my boyfriend, who is now my baby-daddy-to-be, and then I was excited about flying high off the next record and the record didn’t get me high any more … The validation didn’t get me high, and so I just crashed,” the 35-year-old singer recalled.
During the candid conversation, Perry — whose parents were Pentecostal pastors when she was growing up — described the experience as “necessary brokenness,” adding that she believes gratitude saved her life.
“It was so important for me to be broken so that I could find my wholeness in a whole different way. And be more dimensional than just living my life like a thirsty pop star all the time,” she said.
“Gratitude is probably the thing that saved my life, because if I didn’t find that I would have wallowed in my own sadness and probably just jumped but I found the ways to be grateful.”
She added that her faith helped her recover. After navigating depression and anxiety for years, she said, has a different outlook on life.
“Hope has always been an option for me … because of my relationship with God and something bigger than me. If I’m the only one controlling my destiny of course it’s going to be, like, I am going to drive it into the ground,” she said.
“My hope is that something bigger than me created me for a purpose and created me for a reason, and that I’m not disposable, and that, you know, every person that’s been created has a purpose.”
This is not the first time Perry has discussed her mental health struggles.
In 2017, she live-streamed a session with therapist Siri Sat Nam Singh on YouTube as part of Vice’s “The Therapist” series. During the conversation, Perry admitted she felt “ashamed that (she’d) feel that low or that depressed.”
“I’m really strong as Katy Perry, and sometimes I’m not as strong as Katheryn Hudson,” she said at the time.